


Real

by TeaRoses



Category: Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-06
Updated: 2010-03-06
Packaged: 2017-10-07 18:45:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 872
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/68074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeaRoses/pseuds/TeaRoses
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Casey and Alex bond while working together on a case.  (Note:  Written in 2006.  Later canon changed a great deal.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Real

Casey doesn't bother denying to herself that she is jealous of Alex. She knows it's immature, knows it's pointless, but she still knows it's true. And it isn't as if Alex has so much that Casey doesn't. They work as equals much of the time, even if Alex regained some of her seniority. And Casey was the one who didn't have to spend years of her life hiding under another name. Not that Alex expects anyone's sympathy for that. She seems glad enough that she isn't dead and the drug dealers who were after her are in prison or dead themselves.

It's late tonight, but they're still going over the evidence in the latest case. Small print about DNA and percentages is blurring in front of Casey's eyes, and she takes a moment to look at Alex.

Just sitting there looking at the paper, she still seems so intense, like this moment is not to be forgotten even though there will many more like it. Her long fingers and long legs remind Casey of grace and of dreams. Everyone else must see Alex as so real, but Casey doesn't always feel that she can understand or touch her. Whether she even really needs to do that or not is another matter. Not for the first time, Casey wonders what she is like when no one else is there.

Alex turns to another paper, a photograph, and frowns slightly.

"I still don't understand why he burned her hands," she murmurs.

"I think a woman did something to him... touched him. Beat him even? His mother maybe?" Casey doesn't add that that excuses nothing; they both know this by now.

Alex raises an eyebrow. "That's what Dr. Huang said too."

Casey is glad to have made a point that Alex agrees with. She wonders how she became so eager for this woman's approval, and why.

"And he was removed from his home twice by social services," Alex adds. "We need to examine those records again."

"I hope the jury doesn't end up sympathizing when that gets brought out," says Casey.

"Yeah, the defense will make hay with that."

The pictures are horrific, more than most and that's saying a great deal. And they don't have all the evidence they really need. Casey can feel that heaviness inside again. No matter who tells her that she will lose some cases it doesn't get easy, and no matter who tells her it's not supposed to be easy she still wonders if she can keep doing this.

"Do you ever feel like you can't go on just trying your best against these people?"

Alex looks her in the eye. "And doing what? Picking them off with a shotgun instead?"

Casey jumps a little inside at the reply, but shrugs. "Or just giving up and having a job in taxes and a house in the suburbs."

She bites her lip at that last line, realizing what she has said, but Alex is smiling.

"It can't always be a crusade," she says lightly. "Sometimes I do try to treat it like a job I can go home from, even if that's not true."

"It's not true." Casey points to the wall. "You are home."

Alex sighs and pushes the papers away. "I am. And it's midnight."

She looks tired, and Casey wonders again about who this woman really is. After all, she is only human and can only take so much. Maybe she gets bored and tired and frightened just like anyone else.

'Don't be stupid,' Casey says to herself. 'She almost died; of course she must have been frightened.'

Out loud she says, "It was hard for me to try to take your place. I felt like everyone missed you so much. All they would talk about was how strong you were, how smart you were."

"And I'm not?" asks Alex. But she is still smiling.

"Of course you are," Casey laughs. "And I'm glad. But when you first came back I thought that would be it, that everything I had done would end up looking like nothing compared to you."

"You're good at what you do. People respect you as much as they respect me."

"Maybe, maybe not. But I get things done. We get things done. And maybe that's enough."

Casey rubs her own temples, and Alex puts on a hand on her shoulder. "You're exhausted. You should get some sleep."

She nods and reaches for her purse, but the other woman stops her. "You should stay here tonight. It's too late for you to go home alone."

Casey does a double-take for a moment, thinking Alex is making a much more personal invitation, then realizes that this is just compassion for a tired colleague.

'I wish she were asking me that..." she thinks to herself.

It occurs to her than that everything doesn't have to be just thinking, just waiting. Maybe this will be a mistake, but she can handle the outcome. She leans forward and tentatively kisses her.

Alex smiles, and doesn't move away. Casey smiles back. She isn't certain what will happen now, what will be discovered and what will remain to be wondered about. But Alex is a little more real already.


End file.
